if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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