The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
