Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
