Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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