Do you still have your period?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did i walk over a car last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
