i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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