I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
