i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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