I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
