The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
