definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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