i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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