when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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