The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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