So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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