the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
