She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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