I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
