Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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