Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
