Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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