No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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