I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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