we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
