so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
