Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
