DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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