I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
