You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
