just tell him i said nine months
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
