i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
