remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
