did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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