She is in my trunk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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