operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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