I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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