I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can Purell be used as lube?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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