she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
