walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
