So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
