After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
