Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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