Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
