so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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