new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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