The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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