i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
