You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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