Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
