my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
