Cold hands, warm shart.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
