I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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