just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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